Thursday, April 22, 2010

[me] I Would Drop Out If I Thought It'd Make Things Better

A week has (almost) passed, and I'm this much closer to beloved summer vacation. I have toiled through this school year in more ways than one, and to quote a friend from school, I'm just "over it." Over the drama, over the frustration, over the lectures and note-taking and tests, and over over all the stupid stressful grades I work to maintain every quarter. And for what? So I can throw it all away to start over in college, so I can throw it all away to actually apply it to my life? When in LIFE will I need to know how to calculate specific heat and what time period the Gupta Empire began? Why do the "they"s of today shove all this information down my throat when I clearly don't want to be fed! And this brings me to my title. In a way, I should drop out of school. I should run away from it all and live carefree. But I can't. Because today's world demands bucketloads of education just to function. And WHY? I don't know either! It's not like I need to know calculus to determine the tip at a restaurant or the complete timeline of world history to guess where my ancestors came from (and don't shake your head at my typical argument because we both know it's the truth). I wish I could tell someone this, and I wish someone cared. So I go through the motions, quietly abhorring everything I'm doing. Because I don't have the guts to walk away from all this and I refuse  to suck it up. I dance in between on a very fine line and I dance all my problems away.

Andddd, I am no engineer. I am no doctor. I don't like metal and I don't like blood. I like to describe the emotions I'm feeling and I've become good at that. I can't and won't be what I'm not and if you don't like it, I laugh at you. Because I may be confused sometimes but I know what I'm not.

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